Its 3 am and here I am. Searching for something I have long lost. And It’s all futile now. Like my lost soul, so have I lost my sleep.

Every night I linger on, on this slumber, with someone talking about a thorn and a rose in my ears. And of Cowboys. But awake I am, and he can’t sing me to sleep now. Its nothing like it used to be.

I try to read, but the words don’t register. I try to laugh but my mind wouldn’t let me. My mind reenacts those lost dreams, those beautiful days of which nothing remains. The scenes play in slow motion on my white ceiling. Play slowly until it’s a blur, it goes round and round, spinning out of focus, out of life. And still the sleep… it’s as far gone as my dreams.

I’m not scared…. I know what you’re thinking!! Yeah…. he is too far away now! Probably Dead he is!! I couldn’t care less!!

You still sleep, don’t you? I hope you do, cos you look bad when you don’t. I don’t want you to cry like you used to. I don’t like those eyes bloodshot!Well, I know he takes care of you. But still!! I can’t help but worry. Here am I, still thinking of you, yet I know you don’t even think of me now…yeah you don’t. Why would you?? I can’t help but laugh!!!

I still dream about you. You know? But the dreams don’t come in my sleep. The dreams come rushing back, when ever I see her. Ohh, her beautiful face… her innocent smiles… the beauty in her!! She reminds me of you. She reminds me of your smile.

But… God, she is nothing like you. Her flowing hair and happy eyes… somehow reminds me… of the times when we used to get wet in the rain. Run around, me chasing you. Remember the time I ran after you, and hugged you?? … and then how I fell? How I slipped?? It hurt… you know? It hurt a lot!! I just can’t help but laugh now!!! Ohh… How I fell!!!

I know its futile now but still… the words lessen the burden somehow. Maybe, you should have listened to me. But I know! It wasn’t me you were listening to back then, was it? It wasn’t me…

She makes me happy… you know… but she is so far away. So far away in her own life. Locked in her own thoughts, where I go only in my dreams, yet a simple glimpse of her carelessly working down the streets, with here flowing hair… and that smile, it drains my heart. It reminds me of you.

She is nothing like you. I wish she was you. I long for her to come to me. Silently watching her… wishing she would come to me one day. But here I am yet again, running after a shadow… running after something that cant be there. Wishing for something that’s too far away.

I long for my sleep. I long for my sleep and those quiet dreams… those peaceful ones that made me smile. I long for my sleep. I long for you!

But don’t come back! I can’t let you run what has left of me. Leave me alone… please.

Il be back again…

Regards